When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Current music: FEE FI FO - Cranberries
Current mood: Reflective
Some songs whisk me into a whirlpool of glaring, disjointed thoughts. They say that the eye of a tornado is eerily peaceful - no sound, no tumult, no roaring winds and hammering downpours of rain. I feel as though I'm protected within the eye in the middle of a maelstrom of events sometimes. Totally cut off from the world. Detached from my own confusing, perturbing, entangled and messy brainwaves. I lock myself up in a Faraday's cage, and sit there induling and at times analyzing my own thoughts. No distraction from the hustle and bustle outside; no pesky kar-jiaoing from my own thoughts.
Fee Fi Fo is still playing on and on in a seemingly never-ending loop, leading me to wrestle with certain thoughts about sticky issues that most people aren't comfortable to talk about.
Ruining a child's mind is worse than killing her. =)
Will her neurons be hypersensitized to everything and anything that goes on around her after an assault, such that she starts seeing things in colour - in all tinges and hues of blue and red and green and gold and silver -, reacts explosively to vile olfactory traces that reminds her of the assailant, or squirms in disgust and bites and slashes and claws at anyone's touch?
Or, will her lil' soul be robbed from the brutality of a conscious and awake world, such that only her mortal shell remains? Will "losing colour, losing life" be brought to another level, such that she, being so immensely traumatized, perceives the world in only black and white?
Along the MRT ride home yesterday I recalled a Hongkong serial screened on TV a few years ago. A brilliant girl was raped just before the release of her results. She committed suicide by flinging herself off her flat which was twenty-something stories high. The whole court broke down when her case was heard - she scored 7 As.
It's partially true that all life on earth is governed by two invisible underlying forces - sex and death. All of us, including plants and insects and elephants and whales, live to have sex and die - to propagate our genes and make sure that our species survive to perpetuity. If sex is not an agreeable act of passion between two consenting adults, then the reproductive affairs takes place under coercion: Male elephant seals rape their female young. Cute lil furballs of rabbits do that too.
Nature in the raw, red in tooth and claw. =)
Sometimes I wonder if all our faults and disabilities are ordained by nature. And that the sweet work of Mother Nature is really a grotesque and ugly picture loosely pieced together by our dark natures.
